The Black Death
The Black Death was a 14th Century version of The AIDS. It affected over two thirds, and killed perhaps as much as 50% of the population of Europe. Most of those affected were homosexuals, Protestants, and Suriphiliacs. Like the modern day plague of communism, The Black Death (or bubonic plague) originated from Russia in 1347, and spread throughout Europe.[[image:Manridingrat.gif|150px|thumb|This is the only way to catch the plague. (Photo courtesy of the Jewish Anti-Defamation League)]] Causes "Blame Rat Firsters" will tell you that The Black Death was spread through the bite of the common black rat (Rattus rattus). To their credit, this theory does make sense to the gut. Rats have sharp, yellow teeth perfect for nibbling on human flesh. Another theory popular with people at the time (and among many today, except with the BRF crowd) clears the black rat of wrong doing. These people insist that it was not the rat, but rather it was the common Jew (Cheatis Scapegoatus) who spread the plague throughout the world. Normally Stephen would frown upon any racist stereotypes made against a group of people (even thought they deny the existance of Jesus), but this theory may have some merit. As you know, half of the population of Iceland was killed by the plague, even though the rat was not introduced to Iceland until 1852 (aboard the Wet Dream 2). In contrast, the Jew has been common all over the world since the 6th century BC. Symptoms And Treatment Dying of the Black Death is probably one of the least enjoyable things one could do. It is on par with listening to John Kerry read The New Oxford Dictionary, or seeing Hillary Clinton naked. Symptoms Like all things Russian, The Black Death was not very pleasant. Once a person was bitten by a rat, a person had 4-5 days to live before they died. But before they did, a person went a series of maladies demonstrating God's anger with them. :Day 1: Person bitten by rat, otherwise no symptoms. :Day 2: Headache, Diarrhea, and fever set in. :Day 3: Rock hard lumps called "bubos" appear in the groin area. These should always be lanced, and the fluid should be drunk. :Day 4: Dark purple hemorrhaging blotches called "God's tokens" let one know that not only are they about to die, but also that they are going to hell. :Day 5: The main symptom of day 5 is death. That and the projectile vomiting. Treatment Despite the mass burning of Jews, there were relatively few ways of combating the great pestilence. One successful method was trusting the gut. The 14th Century gut lead people to do the following, to cure them of plague: *bathing in urine *dressing in excrement soaked clothing *placing dead animals in the home *draining blood with leeches *drinking molten gold, or eating crushed emeralds Prevention As mentioned above, the burning of Jews was seen by many as a preventative measure for contracting the plague. For the less amount of Jews around, the less chance one will have of their well being poisoned. As for the Blame Rat Firster crowd, they will tell you ridiculous things such as proper sanitation, and washing one's clothing! Talk to the right people, and they will say that these two things are some how supposed to magically keep rats from biting you. If anything, keeping your clothes clean, and your skin clear from and excrement, would only encourage the rats to bite. The Outbreak In Europe The black death came sprinting out of Russia and invaded the soft underbelly of Europe (Italy and France). It then conquered the remaining countries, before retreating back into Asia. It left 58 trillion people dead in its wake. The Cleansing Of Europe Europe pre-1357 was a mostly Godless continent. They were pagans, Jews, and even Lutherans, which deserved nothing but God's wrath. And that is exactly what they recieved. The Flagellants The Flagellants were a group of people who enjoyed going from town to town whipping themselves to exhaustion, or even death. It is also reported that they were also sado-masochisic, and consequently, gay. The main motivation for the flagellants' self-mortification was not penetence as is often incorrectly believed, but rather because of their sick, twisted, homosexual minds. Flagellants loved S&M, so much so that they went from city to city showing off their self-harming fetish to anyone that would watch. Being gay, flagellants loved to dance. They created the the 1350's dance craze "Dancing Mania". In this dance the afflicted would move about and writhe on the ground until exhaustion set in, and they collapsed. Naturally, the fad soon caught on in France. The Black Death And The AIDS Like The AIDS of today, rightous Christians of the 14th century were immune to the Black Death. Once thought this was due to their incredible faith, scientists have uncovered that this is indeed the case. Another Gift Of God To White People For those not on the nerd patrol, this may be a little hard to understand. One does not even have to understand this, except to know that it is a gift to white people from God. This gift is called "CCR5-Δ32" by scientists. Normally, scientists are not to be trusted, except if their science is agreeable with God. CCR5-Δ32 is a genetic mutation that was created by God to help the righteous survive The Black Death. This mutation prevents viruses from entering into the cells. This genetic mutation is passed from generation to generation.1 Now this genetic mutation also prevents The AIDS virus from infecting the righteous. So in effect, 5-14% of white people are immune to catching the AIDS virus. The mutation is virtually non-existent in Africans or Asians, sorry.